He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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