man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
