he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
