I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
