getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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