OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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