The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
