Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
