he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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