don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
