I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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