weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
