Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
