he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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