ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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