Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Randomize
