i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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