the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
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the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
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My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize