I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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