i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
