So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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