I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
