Your face is a jimmy john
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Someone shattered a urinal.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
