After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
