So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
