so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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