I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
