the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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