I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
