my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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