Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
