OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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