I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
