it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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