So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
