the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
