Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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