I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
