Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
FUCK WHALES
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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