guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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