insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
you had me at cake vodka
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize