Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
