Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize