I think im going to throw up on grandma
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
