So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
