Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
