i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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