I don't think brook has ever known best
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
