I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
