My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
