i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
