I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
