its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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