i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
