OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
