you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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