well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
