just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
