We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
